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  ‘When was this? When did she stop asking?’

  ‘Just before your wedding, actually. That was the last demand. I remember it because she asked me to put the money into a different bank account that time – a British account.’

  I try to stop myself from physically reacting to this last piece of information. To keep my face as neutral as possible. ‘I’m sorry she did that to you, Cassie.’

  ‘Yeah, well, so am I. She better not show her face around here again, that’s all I’m saying.’

  I nod, realising that Dina’s behaviour might have something to do with the way Cassie’s been treating me lately. It doesn’t excuse her, but at least it sheds some light on it. ‘Thanks for telling me.’

  Cassie shrugs. ‘It’s all in the past now.’

  I think of the two instances I’ve spotted Dina around Shaftesbury recently. Of the silent phone calls I’ve been receiving. If she really is back, then I have to hope she’s changed, because it wasn’t just Cassie that my sister treated badly; the last time she called me, she was way out of line. Almost out of control. I feel an overwhelming urge to confront my sister right now. To have it out with her. If I spot Dina again, I won’t hesitate to go after her. To make her explain why she treated me the way she did. Why she was so dismissive of everything I did for her. Why she seems to hate me so much. I give myself a shake to try to dislodge these bitter emotions. ‘Okay, well, I better get back to my party.’

  Cassie doesn’t reply. She merely nods and walks away towards the lounge, presumably to retrieve her boyfriend.

  After that, the hours pass in a haze of dancing, eating, drinking, speeches and loved-up chatter. I even dance with Madeline and Kim, who seem to have returned to their usual friendly selves – whether this is a permanent state of affairs, or just an act put on for tonight, I don’t actually care. Once the band gets going, Celia and Malcolm come onto the floor for a couple of dances, but otherwise they stay seated at a table with a lively group of their friends.

  Dad made it to the party for a full half hour before retiring to the lounge bar at the other end of the hotel, happy enough to sit by the fire with his newspaper and a pint of real ale. Miraculously, he took me up on my offer to stay over at the hotel with us for the weekend. But it wasn’t because he wanted to celebrate our anniversary – his central heating packed up yesterday and the spare part he needs for the boiler won’t be back in stock until Monday. He told me this weekend away was perfect timing, as apparently the house is like an icebox and there’s snow forecast for tonight. Of course, I’d rather he’d have come here for me and Toby, but my dad is my dad. He’s not about to change his personality any time soon.

  The party finally begins to wind down, and I find myself sitting on a bar stool chatting to my schoolfriends Lou and Danny about this week’s encounters with Cassie. Apparently it isn’t just me she’s been annoying with her self-centred behaviour.

  From the corner of my eye, I spot Madeline leaving the room. I still haven’t had a chance to speak to her properly tonight. I’d like to have at least a quick chat before tomorrow. Make sure everything’s good between us. I excuse myself and go after her, trying my best to stay upright in my ridiculous heels before slipping them off one by one and sighing with ecstasy as my feet are released from their torture.

  ‘Hey, Madeline!’

  She’s weaving down the corridor, her blue crepe dress billowing around her calves, her blonde chignon the worse for wear with sections of hair hanging down haphazardly, and not in an elegant way. The hairdresser in me is itching to pin it back up. From her erratic movements, I’d say she’s pretty drunk.

  ‘Madeline, wait!’

  She turns and squints in my direction and then raises a hand. ‘I’m off to bed.’

  ‘Hang on.’ I trot after her, my shoes in my hand, but she turns and continues on her way. I soon catch up. ‘Come and get a coffee with me in the bar,’ I suggest, walking by her side.

  ‘You shouldn’t have coffee after four p.m.,’ she chides. ‘You won’t be able to sleep.’

  ‘I think you’ll sleep just fine,’ I say with a smile.

  ‘Don’t laugh at me.’ She stops walking and wags her finger in front of my face.

  ‘I’m not laughing, I’m just saying, you’ve had a bit to drink. A coffee will take the edge off, stop the room spinning later.’

  ‘No thanks.’

  ‘Water, then. Or a soft drink.’

  She waves me away and carries on walking.

  ‘We’re good now, though, right?’

  ‘You’re Toby’s wife.’

  ‘Yes, that’s right. You really are quite drunk, Madeline. Where’s Nick? Do you want me to get him?’

  ‘You’re Toby’s wife. But I know what you did.’

  Now it’s my turn to stop walking. ‘Wait, what are you talking about?’

  She keeps going without me. ‘You shouldn’t have done that. Poor Toby.’ She shakes her head and repeats, ‘Poor, poor Toby.’

  I’m not sure if her words are the incoherent ravings of an extremely drunk person, or if there’s something she wants to tell me. I call after her, ‘What do you mean “Poor Toby”? What’s the matter with him?’

  ‘Don’t pretend you don’t know.’ She stops and looks around. ‘Where’s the lift?’ I catch up to her, but she’s ignoring me, trying instead to get her bearings.

  ‘I’ll take you up to your room, if you like.’

  ‘Yes please.’ Her shoulders drop and she seems relieved. ‘I’m a bit pissed actually.’

  ‘You’ll be okay,’ I say, linking my arm through hers. ‘Come on, let’s get you upstairs. You’re on the same floor as me and Toby.’

  ‘It’s a shame what you did, Zoe.’ She looks at me sadly and strokes my cheek.

  ‘What did I do?’

  ‘You know.’

  ‘Remind me.’

  ‘The affair.’

  I stop dead and unlink my arm from hers. ‘Um, Madeline, I didn’t have an affair.’

  ‘S’okay, you don’t have to lie to me. I know all about it. Nick told me.’

  I speak slowly and clearly so there’s no misunderstanding. ‘I have no idea why Nick would tell you that, but I’m telling you now, Madeline, I absolutely did not have an affair.’

  However, my sister-in-law doesn’t appear to be listening. ‘I’m so disappointed in you, Zoe. Toby didn’t deserve that. The worst thing… the very worst thing…’ She makes jabbing motions towards me with her forefinger. ‘Is that I thought you were better than that. I actually looked up to you – bet you didn’t know that! Not anymore though. No. Not anymore. No more looking up to the wonderful Mrs Zoe Johnson.’

  I’m utterly astonished by Madeline’s accusation. Is this why she’s been so off with me recently? Why Kim has also been snubbing me? In fact, several of the school mums barely spoke to me this evening. It would make sense if this was the reason. It’s just another hideous lie to add to everything else that seems to be upending my life at the moment. The feeling that nothing is quite right. That my whole world is off balance. But why the hell would Nick tell Madeline such a thing in the first place? Where did he hear it, and why was he so quick to believe such a thing? I need to have a word with him. Right now.

  Twenty-Three

  NOW

  ‘Madeline, listen to me. Where did Nick hear about this so-called affair?’

  She presses her knuckles to her mouth. ‘I shouldn’t have told you. Nick said I wasn’t supposed to say anything. I’m in big trouble now.’ She walks unsteadily over to a flight of carpeted stairs next to the lift and sits down heavily on the second stair. ‘Look at me, I’m on the naughty step.’

  ‘Madeline, you should have spoken to me about this earlier. I could have put you straight.’

  ‘I wanted to talk to you, Zoe, but I wasn’t allowed. And now I’m in trouble. I’m in so much trouble.’ She leans against the wall and closes her eyes.

  ‘I have never had an affair.’ But I’m not sure she’s even
listening to me anymore. I’m desperate to speak to Nick, to find out where he got his information from, but I can’t leave my sister-in-law like this. I manoeuvre her off the stairs and into the lift and take her up to her room. After much fumbling about in her bag for the room key, we finally make it inside. She sits on the bed and slowly lies down, closing her eyes, but I sit her back up and lead her over to a plush velvet chair by the curtains. I draw them open a little and pull down the sash window to let in some fresh air. A sudden freezing blast makes me gasp, so I close it back up, leaving just a crack.

  ‘Don’t fall asleep yet, Madeline, I’m going to make us both some coffee.’

  ‘Is it after four o’clock?’

  ‘What’s this obsession with not drinking coffee after four? No, it’s not,’ I lie, putting a capsule into the coffee machine, place a cup beneath the spout and switch on the machine.

  ‘Good.’ She rambles on for a while about coffee until I cut her off.

  ‘Let’s have these coffees and then I’ll fetch Nick. Try to sort out this mix-up about me and my imaginary affair.’

  ‘S’not imaginary. It’s real. Nick’s been quite ill about it. For weeks.’

  ‘He can’t have been ill over me.’

  ‘He’s been worried, Zoe. It’s not fair making him keep secrets like that. Especially from me. Toby swore him to secrecy.’

  ‘Toby knows about this?’

  ‘Poor Toby is devastated. Course he is.’ Madeline points at me. ‘You’ve caused all this upset you know. Shouldn’t have done it.’

  ‘But it’s not true!’ I stop what I’m doing and think back to how Toby’s been behaving over the past few days. There’s been nothing to suggest that he thinks I’m cheating. Nothing at all. I think Madeline must have got hold of the wrong end of the stick. ‘So tell me, Madeline, who am I supposed to be having this affair with? Where did the rumour even start?’ My mind suddenly flies to Cassie. This reeks of her handiwork. It would make sense, as she’s always had it in for me. Maybe she started the rumour to sabotage my anniversary party. Maybe she’s jealous of me. Or maybe she just wanted to punish me because of what Dina did to her. She couldn’t get back at my sister, so I was the next best thing. I pass Madeline her cup of coffee and put a fresh capsule into the machine for me. I’m more than a little drunk myself. This all feels so surreal.

  Madeline sets her drink on the glass table with a clatter. ‘You should just come clean, Zoe. Lying doesn’t help anyone. There’s poor Nick making himself sick with worry. And dear Toby sticking up for you, even after this type of betrayal. The man is a saint.’ As Madeline sips her coffee, she’s starting to sound a little more coherent. ‘I tried to get Toby to talk to you about it, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Said it would only make things worse.’

  Something occurs to me. I take my coffee and sit on the end of the bed opposite Madeline. The cold air streams in through the tiny gap in the window and I find myself shivering. ‘When exactly did you speak to Toby about this?’

  She screws up her nose as she tries to remember. ‘Some time last week… Friday, I think. Yes, definitely Friday, before Nick and I went away for my birthday. You ruined that too – Nick wasn’t himself at all.’

  ‘I still don’t get why Nick would feel sick about me having an affair. Sure, he’d be upset on Toby’s behalf, but sick? No. I don’t believe it. It makes no sense.’

  ‘Believe what you want, but it’s true,’ she slurs. ‘Nick has morals. He doesn’t like lies or secrets. He’s got a conshus… conshuns… conscience.’

  I’m beginning to wish I’d let Madeline fall asleep. She’s growing more bolshy by the second. ‘I saw you meet up with Toby at our house last week. Is that when you spoke about it?’

  ‘How did you see us?’ She frowns for a moment and then waves the thought away. ‘Never mind. Yes, Toby asked to see me so he could explain why he wanted to keep your affair a secret. He said it was because of the children, so of course I had to agree.’ She folds her arms across her chest and gives a little shiver.

  ‘Toby told me he’d met up with you because of the surprise. He said you were helping him to plan it.’

  ‘What surprise?’ She reaches forward for her coffee and takes a couple of sips.

  ‘This whole weekend away.’ I gesture around me to the room. ‘This was the surprise.’

  ‘No.’ She shakes her head vehemently. ‘It was nothing to do with that.’ Her eyes seem to be growing heavy again.

  I take a few big gulps of my coffee before reaching into my bag for my phone and calling Nick’s mobile. It rings and rings before going to voicemail, so I try Toby instead. He answers almost immediately.

  ‘Zoe, where are you? I was just about to call you.’

  ‘I’m upstairs with Madeline. She’s had a bit too much to drink, so I’m getting her to drink some coffee.’

  ‘Oh.’ There’s a pause.

  ‘Toby, are you still there?’

  ‘Yes, sorry. Is she okay now? With you I mean? Did she tell you what’s been bugging her?’

  ‘Actually, yes. Yes she did, and it’s a bit strange. Can you come up here, please? And bring Nick. We’re in his and Madeline’s room.’

  ‘I…’ But he tails off.

  I end the call, unsure whether to be anxious or angry at what’s been going on. But until I know how the rumour originated, I guess I’ll still be confused and in the dark.

  Madeline’s eyes are closed now, and she’s slumped back in her chair, her mouth slightly open. I think about waking her up but decide against it. It’ll be easier to talk to Nick and Toby without Madeline adding in her low opinion of me.

  As I wait, my stomach churns and I start to feel faintly queasy. Despite the strong coffee, I’m still not fully sober. There are too many conflicting questions in my head for me to make sense of anything – I need to question Nick and Toby before I start jumping to any conclusions.

  Faint rumbles of music and laughter drift up to the room, an echo of the party below. It feels like days since I was down there dancing and having fun. By the time this mix-up is all sorted out, the night will be finished. I stand and walk over to the window, which looks out across the sweeping carriageway drive. Pressing my nose against the pane, I see wide beams of light from the hotel’s exterior lamps illuminating thick twirling flakes of snow that are beginning to settle on the driveway and flower beds.

  I’m startled away from the view by the sound of the door opening. I turn to see Nick striding in while Toby follows behind, his face clouded with anger.

  ‘Nick, you need to calm down.’ Toby puts a hand on his brother’s shoulder, but Nick shakes him off, heading for Madeline.

  ‘Maddy, are you okay?’

  ‘She’s all right,’ I reply. ‘Just had a bit too much to drink and now she’s sleeping it off.’

  Nick whirls around to look at me. Up close, he looks even worse than I previously thought. Granted, he’s obviously a bit pissed, but his eyes are bloodshot and sunken in their sockets, his skin is pallid, and the shoulders of his suit are powdered with dandruff.

  ‘Nick!’ Once again, Toby tries to pull him back.

  ‘No, Toby, enough is enough. Zoe needs to know the truth.’

  ‘For fuck’s sake.’ My husband swears under his breath and I’m starting to get really worried now. Something is very, very wrong, and I don’t think it’s anything to do with Madeline’s crazy story about an affair.

  ‘Is one of you going to tell me what’s going on?’ My voice sounds strange to my ears and I feel a little light-headed.

  ‘It’s fine.’ Toby turns to me with a forced smile. ‘Nick doesn’t know what he’s talking about.’

  ‘That development’s going ahead, Toby. And when it does it will all come out anyway.’

  ‘Nick, shut your mouth. You’re drunk.’ He turns back to me. ‘Zoe, why don’t you go back to our room and I’ll follow you there in a bit?’

  ‘No, that’s okay.’ I stare from one brother to the other. ‘I’d like to he
ar what Nick wants to tell me.’

  ‘Good,’ Nick slurs, ‘cos I’m sick of having to keep this secret.’

  ‘If this is about some imaginary affair that I’m supposed to have had, I can tell you right now, I never have and never will cheat on my husband.’ I turn to Toby and will him to hear the truth in my voice. ‘Did Cassie say something? Because you know you can’t trust a word that comes out of her mouth.’

  ‘Oh, we know you wouldn’t cheat, Zoe,’ Nick says, dismissively.

  ‘Then why have I just spent the last twenty minutes defending myself to your wife?’

  ‘That was what Toby told her to throw her off the scent.’ Nick gives a bitter laugh.

  ‘Why are you doing this now?’ Toby snaps at his brother. ‘You’ve kept quiet for so long.’

  ‘It’s this bloody party, in this bloody hotel!’ Nick cries. ‘And the housing development. I’ve been having nightmares about all of it, Toby.’

  ‘Then you should have talked to me.’

  ‘What good would that do? You’d only tell me what you’re telling me now – to keep my mouth shut.’

  ‘Because it’s the right thing to do.’

  ‘Well whether it’s right or not, I can’t do it anymore.’ Nick takes a step towards me and I brace myself to hear whatever shocking secret has him so agitated. ‘Zoe…’

  Toby steps in between us. ‘Nick, you’re my brother and I love you, but you need to shut up, or I’ll have to make you shut up.’

  ‘Fine, make me. I don’t care anymore.’

  Toby sighs. ‘Okay, just wait a minute. I’ll tell Zoe, okay?’

  ‘You promise?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘So do it now.’

  ‘I will, but Nick… you need to promise not to interrupt. Let me do it my way.’

  ‘Fine.’

  I pull at my husband’s arm. ‘Tell me what?’